I often do not do things that are clearly good for me. I fell out of the habit of zazen (although I’m trying to get back), I stopped taking vitamins, I rarely exercise, my practice routines on various instruments are hardly “routines” at all, and I do little to control my insomnia. Why is that? Why do I resist doing even things that would require very little effort?

This is true of all of us, I think. Procrastination, for example, is just a subset of reluctance.

I suspect the root of it all is fear. Fear often expresses itself in senseless, even counterproductive ways. I need to think about this some more.


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